November 18, 2018- At the Table/ Tears.
I thought it would be
befitting to share a quote from Dr. Giovanni after such an enlightening day
yesterday. I shared on my FB personal page that I was graced with the opportunity
to meet renowned poet Dr. Nikki Giovanni. Literally, I'm still processing
what happened--her words, her maturity and outlook...SHE is so compelling. I
didn’t even want to leave the room afterwards and as she was speaking (through multiple, what
felt like, tangential moments, but ultimately were moments of sheer brilliance),
I caught myself holding back tears…
Not because of sadness or
pain, but because of her truth. Her truth and presence was so genuine and real.
It was radiating off of her as she spoke. The moments after her speech were the
true nuggets of love. Not only did I get to embrace her, when she inquired who
me and my colleagues were it was discovered that we all are on faculty at
Virginia Tech. We exclaimed "we are on faculty in the Theatre
department" to which Dr. Giovanni proudly proclaimed "Oh, well must
do some work together!" SHOCKED. From there, one of my esteemed, more poised
colleagues engaged in a conversation that brought to light the
intersectionality between the worlds of poetry and performance. She mentioned
about the ideas of using the methods of Devised Theatre to create a piece featuring
the works of Dr. Giovanni. I felt so proud to just be in the room at the
moment, you know? And again tears welled up and I held them back...
Nonetheless, as the day continued, I was surrounded by brilliance in many forms: scholars, colleagues, youth. Several times, I found myself just being still: Listening to the variances in conversations and feeling the shifts of energy around the room. And once again, I fought back tears. Why? Because I was THERE sitting amongst all this greatness; I was a part of it. I wasn't there as an "observer" or visitor, I was a part of this stunning dynamic of individuals. Holding conversations about the scopes of our research, reaching out to one another...sometimes holding each other up from laughter. I didn't have to apologize for being too loud or "extra" in my expression for working with the community. I didn't have to apologize for saying a word incorrectly or felt the need to correct anybody. I didn't have to DO anything but BE. Even now, as I'm typing this blog, I'm holding back tears...and I'm in the privacy of my own home.
Maybe I don't want the tears to fall because I don't want to lose this feeling of acceptance: personal acceptance of my work. This was one of my first "felt" moments of 'SUCCESS' as an adult. It wasn't about the confirmation of my role or place, but the affirmation of knowing I belonged at that table. It's
hard to explain...it's like finally knowing where I fit in. Not personal "fit in" but scholarly, academically. My work as an artist is just as valuable as the other topics of research swirling around in conversation. I'm strong, smart,
and most importantly---in a place in my life that I can be present to receive
the gifts of others. And that, my friends, is a transition in states of mind. A state of mind, I've been in for three years that has finally began to crumble. I'm meant to be at the table.
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Brittney
