Welcome to the B. Blog! What's happening right now with me will ALL be seen here. Upcoming performances, auditions, any and everything to do with my journey to professional "theatredom" and beyond. (smiles) Check it out!
Welcome to the B. Blog! What's happening right now with me will ALL be seen here. Upcoming performances, auditions, any and everything to do with my journey as a professional actress.
Well that was a helluva month! Whew! Shit! Excuse my language but the high I was on entering the month and how November ended is almost a complete 180! Not completely more like a 110 or something. But seriously I am so happy that it is over and on to one of the most productive months of my year--DECEMBER! Lord I have almost survived a whole year. Hallelujah! I can't wait to do a total reflection. Take in the year as a whole and reflect where I was.
So the point of this blog is more of a personal reflection than an artistic journey review. So the holidays are by far one of the most…spiritually draining times of the year for me. Why? Well because this is the time of the year that you typically spend with someone who is close and personal with you. Right? Well this is the first time in 6 years that I will be "alone" for the holidays. Not that I don't have family and whatnot but I mean without a significant other. And it is quite different. I am off. Like emotionally just off…not depressed but just off. So a piece of advise to all of my fellow readers and artists, maybe being alone is NOT a bad thing. To be honest, I have only learned more about myself over this time.
I have a created a new term: A.A.--and no not Alcoholics Anonymous but "Artistically Alone". Let that sit with you for a while. For my soul as an artist, checking in with Brittney was the best thing that I could have done for myself. I know I sound cliche but it is the truth.
So I am looking to leap into December and into the New Year and uh…OH I am starting my New Years Resolutions now!
In a system that was neither “breached” or "created"
With people and public figures
I never have seen the truth be so
"subjective" in my life. Although this is a reaction of the current
time, we must remember that this is not a reflection of all the time. This too
shall pass and in the end...if we destroy the very foundations we are fighting
to create and have, we have nothing.
"A system cannot fail those it was never built to
This is quote is not by W.E.B. DuBois, check your resources.
However, it is very powerful nonetheless.
What is your personal best? Like at what point do you say to yourself “that was the best I could do” or even say
to yourself “good job”? Do you find
the time to do so? Honestly, I forgotten how to compliment myself and even now
when I receive a compliment, I am awaiting some sort of critique or sly comment.
Why?? Frankly, because I am extremely hard on myself. Like beyond hard on
myself and it is sad.
I am so hard on myself that I even have trouble accepting compliments.
Either about my talent or my looks, I find myself shrinking away. I mean sure I could sit back and list the reasons "why" but I
am not going to talk about how others have effected me. I am talking about with myself. Well I have to learn to stop. I was talking to my Acting Coach last week
about how I feel like I am losing my “swag”. My swag: that Brittney flavor that
sets me apart from the rest. It has dissipated over the course of the past few
months and I am not sure why. To be honest, I noticed a shift last May in 2013.
Granted this is the most at “peace of mind” I have been in YEARS but something
in me is missing. And I can’t put my finger on it. I feel sorta out of touch
with my body. Not feelings or emotionally, but literally my body. When I step
on stage, it may look to others that I am completely in tact. Perfectly aligned
and connected to my voice and body but sadly that is not the case. So where is she? Where is the Brittney that
has confidence in her abilities higher than the sky can go? Where is the
Brittney that takes over a room when she walks in without even speaking so much
as a word? Where is she?!
And no, I don’t mean I am “lost”… but I feel like my (taking a line from Austin Powers)… my
mojo is gone. The spunk, the sass. And I miss her…I miss being at my best.
November 20, 2014: ATL Reflection (Part III): The Big Picture.
Taking yourself to the next step is the way I look at how I am progressing forward. It’s funny how with people and relationships we always pose the question “how can we take this to the next step?” or “are we ready for the next step”? What is the NEXT STEP for yourself? On your personal journey, spiritually and professionally, where are you trying to go? While down in Atlanta, I asked myself that. Those 20 hours total on the road was some of the best “me” time I have had in years. Why? Because it was just me and nothing else. Just the road and my thoughts.
If you really know me, you will know how important education is to me. I respect it and I want the highest degree possible in what I love to do. For the past two years, I have sought out on my journey to get my Masters. And let me tell you…the ride itself has been just as altering as if I were in a program. Growing up, I had parents who pushed me hard, but I pushed myself harder. Both my parents didn’t have very much education but they had their own. Owned their house, nice cars, vacations, you name it. But I saw the sacrifices they endured to get there. Me seeking out my Masters degree will be one of the greatest sacrifices of my life. I know it will. Sacrifice? Yeah.
Your average MFA program is about 2 to 3 years and it is a FULL-TIME commitment. So naturally I will be out of the “acting” game for a while. However during that time I will be gaining and developing the finesse of a professional working actor. I will be acquiring techniques that in the long run will not only benefit MY career but the lives of others that I will go on to teach and inspire in the years to come. My true artistry won’t be revealed until years down the line when I am funding and running my own non-profit for Youth Cultural Enrichment. YES! I love to act. I am a performer, through and through. But somewhere over the course of the past few years I have become, what most will call, a humanitarian. My bigger purpose is to give back. NO I am not trying to sound like Miss America, but I am maturing into the woman I always hoped I’d be.
November 19, 2014: ATL Reflection (Part II): The
See, I am starting to tear up already… and NO, not because it
was traumatic or anything like that, but because…I learned a lot about myself
over a short amount of time. So this past weekend while I was down in GA, I was
auditioning for MFA programs. The first on my list this year was UGA: University
of Georgia. Can’t really call it a “beautiful” campus because the night before
it was the Georgia VS Auburn game and the campus was fucked! Like, I had red
solo cups meeting me at my car door. (Laughs)
But nevertheless, this program was very different from all the others, and I
could tell right off the bat because the MFA auditions were an ALL-DAY thing.
Not just a 4 minute audition, a brief interview, and then SWOOSH—you are on
your way. NO you spent a good 6 or so hours with the main facility and staff of
the program. How cool, right? And to top it off, there were only 4! 4 people who
were auditioning, so it was definitely more one-on-one interaction and individual
The audition went…well. I am just getting over a cold and my
voice wasn’t up to “par” but nevertheless it was a good audition. It was broken
into a 30 to 40 minute workshop and they got to see us in our bodies and use
our voices, etc. Went well! I knew I was gonna kill that part! I am an actor
that is in their body at all times! Then we had the auditions and the interview—which
I knew I would be okay at because…I have personality for days! And to my
assumption, I nailed the interview! I was completely and 100% Brittney. Very
proud of myself on that note.
There’s a BUT in there, isn’t it? Yep! So I talked to them about
my big picture: where I see myself as an artist growing into. And they loved it;
however, they then turned around and said “We are trying to create Actors, not
teachers”…and BOOM locked eyes with me directly! Well shit! Right?!? So right there, I realized something…
As desperately as I want to continue and develop my acting techniques
and abilities. As much as I want to further my education…I am also looking for
a program that will be a FIT for me as well. And maybe that is what I was
missing last year. Why…”divine intervention” keep me from getting into any
program or whatever. I wasn’t thinking about what will best benefit me, I was
just thinking about finally get that degree. Sooo as much I enjoyed my process
with UGA, I still have to access are they
a good fit for me? The next step in their process is submitting an
application to their Theatre Department and from there I will find out if I am
selected…so we shall see. Stay tuned for PART III and the conclusion to my ATL adventure….later!
November 18, 2014:
ATL Reflection (Part 1): Independent.
The strength it takes to go after something that doesn't have a clear and defined path is truly a remarkable feat. Any artist aiming to
make a living creating and presenting art are by far some of the craziest
people to grace the planet. Not only is our work “successful” based on the subjectivity
of others, but we still have to create it to please ourselves. Phew. The journey of an Artist is a
rough yet rewarding one.
This past weekend, I got to be in the presence of a true
path maker. I have known my friend for over 5 years now and she always finds a
way to amaze me. She is an Independent Artist: creating and defining her own
path by any means it takes. Through sacrifices, through tears, through diligence,
through it all. It is a beautiful thing to witness. She is currently in Atlanta
pursuing the career path of an Actress! And I couldn’t be more proud of her.
Not only is she my sister in spirit but in artistry.
Actresses Brittney S. Harris and Kristen Lingham
Sometimes you have to let it all go and just depend on
yourself. I think the generational shift comes when youth and young adults
depend on each other for everything. And not just each other but…depend on technology
and social media and whatever. Phew—I am telling you! I have much respect for
an Artist that lives with the bare minimums and just the art. Now I am not
saying not to have any amenities, but I am talking about prioritizing your amenities.
I have said it to her numerous times and I am saying it
again, I am so proud of you Kristen. Keep up what you are doing… I am so blessed
to have crossed paths with you at lil ol’ ODU!
So…all that being said I can wait to reveal to you WHY I was
in Atlanta…it is truly an eye opening visit. Be on the lookout for Part II.
Here is something to take with you for the rest of your day:
to be the “I” in Independent.
So let me just put it out there: what is so wrong with taking things slow? Like…letting things ruminate on their own and manifest into something great? Now don't get me wrong I don't think that is the correct approach to EVERY situation, but in the case of life-shifting events or occurrences, I believe it is the best thing to do. For the sake of yourself and both parties. Where is she going with this? What I am trying to say is that I have some time to finally reflect on a very recent situation that left me a little…confused. Yeah, confused is the word I will use. I was confused because I didn't see things manifest as fast as the other party perceived. Sometimes as an Artist or in any stage in your career, you have to prioritize. Sometimes things arise in your life to take place and let that "place" grow over time. And in this particular situation…it was not the time for a solid relationship of any sort.
I have been here before, my friends. I have been caught up between other people and their feelings for too long. Have you ever had someone in your corner and soon as you say something they don't like or agree with, they spend all their time guilting you into thinking one way or trying to shift your thoughts? I am not saying that has just happened, but it HAS happened to me. … … Not anymore. I am aligning some great things up in my life right now and the place where I need to be and who I need to be with is ME. Think about Brittney in the fullest sense.
I have made a lot of adjustments lately. Pushed some people out of my life who were bringing me down, reaching out to people like i never have before…and I have found a strength in truly being able to have someone's back. It feels so damn good to be going after my dreams STILL after the year I have had. After the life I have had really. (smiles) It's funny I have always tried to downplay my pain. What I have been through. Why? Because I always knew in the back of my mind there was someone who has been through worse. You feel me? It hasn't been until recently that I have found people who let me explore my pain and let…it… go.
All I had to do was sllllloooooowwww down and breathe. Take it one day at a time. No need to rush.
Have you just ever
purposefully did something COMPLETELY out of your comfort zone? I mean just because?
It has a remarkable outcome, I must admit. Of course, sometimes it is a rude
awakening no less, but overall you learn something quite wholesome about
yourself. As a performer, I love to play against my “type”. Type meaning what I
would traditionally be cast as for a role or part.
I will never
forget when I was a sophomore in high school and I took my first Acting for the Camera class
and our second day assignment was to sit in a circle and one by one we went around
typecasting each other into roles. -_- Harsh
right? Exactly and it is funny because as I felt the circle closing in on me…I
already knew the answer. I didn’t fit in. And wouldn’t you know?? The class had
a hard time placing me in a type. The teacher, who to me is a complete crock,
simply put it “sometimes the best people in a scene are the people in the
background” What the fuck! Lol… I
know and I have to admit to this day that moment sometimes does pop into my
head. Especially when I see a casting notice come up asking for a “sexy,
alluring type” or “friendly, girl next door” or even…just a leading lady. I get
all knotted up thinking about where I fit in this industry.
Of course I must
be nuts because I went to still pursue acting full-time and lo and behold…I
still have never landed a lead. LOL…but I know my talent and drive level speaks
volumes. At least to me. So while I am not “pigeon holed” into a type or
whatever, I am enjoying exploring my range. Trying out different roles…something
new and different. Why? Because I can really push and see more. I am still getting
used to the fact that I am not what you call an “ingénue” or leading lady, but
I can bring more than that.
The worlds of
theatre versus the world of film are sometimes the funniest pair of best
friends. They both stress the importance of talent, skill, and blah… but the
truth is LOOKS still holds much precedence over most casting decisions. At
least with theatre, you can explore the range against physical type but all in
all, why is that looks are so important to a character or a role? Granted, ones
appearance does dictate how some may interact with a person, but in the end don’t
the manner in which they act matter more? That is seriously the conundrum of
being a performer. Am I getting this role because I DESERVE it or because I
LOOK like the part? I fit the “type”.