Third time’s a charm. That's the saying, right? Well, I am back at it again! Another beautiful year: spiritually, mentally, and wonderfully single. It has been three years since my first blog The Lonely Actress was published. This past year has been one of the most eye-opening chapters of my life thus far. Not only did I publish a book, launch a new outreach program, landed some leading roles including premiering my one-woman show… blah, blah. I honestly could go on and on, but when you sit back and ask yourself “who do I get to share all of this with”, all of the goodness seems to dissipate away. Sounds pretty disheartening, I know. Believe me, that is not the point of this blog. I know that I am blessed and I am not complaining but we all know how depressing things can get. And yes I used the dreaded buzz word “depressing”. Sometimes it seems taboo to admit those shameful qualities about ourselves; however, it is the recognition of those feelings that helps us grow past them and cope. I am just giving you a very candid look at a woman who is artistically expressive, spiritually sound, a little neurotic, extremely goal oriented, and just overall SINGLE.
Questions like “why is someone like you still single” or “how is it that no one has picked you up yet” or statements like “I can’t believe you are still single”, really gets one thinking. It was sometimes consuming my everyday thought ON TOP of everything else going on in my professional life. You start to contemplate: damn, what is WRONG with me? A few years back, it used to be so easy for me to date and get a relationship going. I would date a guy, a year, two, or even three years strong, and it was natural to me. NOW, I can’t seem to last pass the damn one month mark. And you know what: AWESOME! I know it sounds horrible but literally, I am getting to know myself so much better than I did years ago. I stayed with those men out of love but also convenience. Now, I am satisfied with all that I can offer myself, and “now” is the lack of a better word. I have always noticed that I have a special affinity for “being to myself”. Of course, there are people who can’t handle the “C” word: commitment. Meh, that has never been an issue for me.
Now, this post is a little underserved for me because for a small chunk of last year I was dating. Monogamously dating someone that unfortunately didn't work out. Of course, I could elaborate more on it but primarily, as in everything that we experience, there's a lesson to be learned. I believe my lesson for the past year has been ‘only entertain things/people that add purpose to your journey not weight’. Now I'm not saying that everything should be easy but what I'm saying is as we get older, we need to be more conscientious of what things hold us down rather than push us up. Realize when a door is closed, sometimes it is meant to be closed: no matter how much your will tells you otherwise. Just because the individual is a “nice” person doesn’t mean they are the “right” person for you. Shall I continue? I know, I know you have heard this all already. I'm sure that you've told yourself that many times before. So it if that’s the case: why do you we all keep going through all of these break-ups and heartbreaks? Take this away: learn to be solid with yourself and only allow people in that encourages your growth.
A huge trait of mine is “being a cheerleader”. No, I am not your yes-man but I am definitely a motivator: I believe in the good vs. the bad; optimism vs. “realistic pessimism". Have I always been this way? Absolutely not!! However, over the years, as I have solidified myself spiritually on my own expedition, I have realized that your mindset has so much to do with your success. This is not just about dreaming but having the vigor to go after your dreams. Of course, as I'm approaching the age of 30, I feel like my dreams are shifting more towards this societal "maternal vision". Is it a bad thing? NO! I have noticed that my nurturing nature is another facet of my morals. I found myself trying to balance the two on a consistent basis. Nonetheless, I started getting on dating sites: testing the waters and going out more. You know what? You start meeting very interesting people. People that spark your curiosity, share the same beliefs and values as you…and people who are just fine as I don't know what! OK! So what happens after all those multiple good conversations? You start pursuing each other more steadily and next thing you know that ‘consistency’ buds into “somewhat of” a relationship. OF COURSE, you cannot say that aloud because the general public is so iffy when it comes to labels. Jump to a few months in and you begin to feel that your S.O. (significant other) appears to be on same paths as you. Sure, you noticed there are some things that are a little off: personality traits, habits, etc. but you embrace them. You have to be spiritual on one accord for any relationship/friendship to work. One thing that makes me an artist is my drive for challenges and curiosity to explore the unknown. So, I typically do not shy away from a challenge. However, there comes a time when you need to assess is this a challenge or a crumble?
A good rule of thumb is knowing when to be alone and still. During that time, you have to ask yourself: are you ready to receive what you're yearning for? That is applicable when it comes to your dreams or anything. Was I ready to receive a significant other? Is where I am in my life right now conducive to a growing relationship? My schedule? My goals? While I am all for casual dating, God knows the desires of my heart. I don't do “friends with benefits”. So now is about listening. I have to really listen, be still, and understand if this desire of the flesh relevant to fulfill? Is it just something I want because I see everyone else moving forward and getting married? I'm still trying to figure that out for myself and I believe with the right person, it will be no question. Truth is: in those times when I am single, I am very content. Believe me, there are moments when I want companionship, but overall there is an easiness to being alone. We all have that ex that we wonder if they are still single and if they are, then why haven’t you two gotten back together? Before you take matters into your own hands simply ask yourself: is this relevant to your journey right now?
Look, it is very normal to start questioning your self-worth and purpose. Honestly, if you start to feel as though you are getting overwhelmed by life and "societal norms", perhaps you should consider talking to someone: a counselor or friend. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. That is why I stress the importance of checking in and questioning yourself. No one knows you better than you know yourself. Deep down, we all want to be the very best version of ourselves; even if it is only for our own enjoyment. In good conscience, that is all that matters. Enjoy the easiness of focusing on yourself.