February 10, 2015- The Lonely Actress.
LOL…even creating the title for this blog is making me laugh. The lonely actress---being an entertainer, the last thing synonymous with us is LONELY. Either you are surrounded by fans/supporters, haters, family, etc…but the last thing to ever be considered is that you are actually lonely. Well dammit, it is the truth. I am a lonely actress and it is partially by choice. I am always told I have a stellar personality and that I am funny, kind, "crazy", attractive...but yeah... let's be real: we all have things we need to work on in ourselves.
You know why I am bringing this up, of course. Valentine’s Day is coming up. SIDE BAR: Did you know that I never heard of the term “Single’s Day Awareness” until this year?? I am serious. Okay…back to the blog. So I am finding that the more I am focus on my career, the less I am becoming overwhelmed with the thoughts of love and a relationship. It is all kind of new to me. Just focusing singularly on my goals rather than being in a relationship and trying to blend the two worlds and paths together. I am still getting used to it but needless to say…this is a pretty tough week for me.
Emotionally, I am on a “high-low”: I just wrapped production on a major new project that I am totally elated about, I have my first regional professional theatre production about to go up in less than a month, succeeding at work, family is doing good, I got my health, I am blessed… and yet I am experiencing all these HIGHs on my own. And don’t get me wrong, I am not pitying myself but just more “aware” this week that I have been trucking along perfectly FINE alone. And to be honest, I never thought I could be this strong…on my own. I mean it is nothing to take myself out…nice dinner, wine, whatever... Sounds strange but it is the honest truth. On the flipside, the low is the desire of passion and companionship. And because I have had my fair share of strong dedicated relationships, I am not trying to JUMP into just anything anymore. I am learning what wrongs to "right" and whatnot. I am taking more time to feel things out…to learn more about what I truly want, desire, and…deserve. It’s like…taking a personal inventory.
God knows how oddly dependent I used to be on the “companionship” of a significant other and now I have had to find that dependence in myself and in Him. I guess what I am trying to tell you…my fellow artists is that sometimes people can be in the way of you finding your true potential. Do a personal inventory list on yourself. Take a little time to be alone…it is AMAZING what you will discover.