Long time no talk or update. Sometimes as actors we go through dry spells. Like not getting any work or getting cast or calls interested in what you have to offer. Nothing. But I have to admit the absolute worse kind of dry spell is when you are emotionally dry. Deprived. Your spirit for what you love has diminished. Gone. When you step on a stage, it is just a place not a home. When performing drains you as much as not performing. When teaching doesn’t mean a thing. When you are tired of not performing, just so tired that somehow deep down you begin to brainwash yourself to “think” you can’t do this anymore. That’s bullcrap!
Since September of last year, I have been evaluating my talent. Me as a performer. Performing is something that comes natural to me. I felt it and until September 2008 I didn’t give a fuck if no one else did. However, I let…opinions and challenge influence the thick skin that I thought I had. I was questioning everything about me. My ability to speak to others and communicate. It was so tough. I mean it got down to the point I started bringing myself down even more.
Pray? I tried. I couldn’t pray about it. I didn’t want to talk about it. Mainly because I couldn’t describe what I was feeling. Was it that I was bitter I wasn’t getting work or getting cast? No. Was it my faith or lack thereof? No. It was…me. You have to have a solid foundation in yourself in order to be in this business. Why? Because there will always be the ones to bring you down. The ones that question your abilities: your talent, your worth. And this is not all about acting, people. This is about life. But as actor isn’t our job to be a representation life? We are manifestations of life through the form of media. Even though in my neck of the hood I may blend in, I cannot let that set me back.
Trust me, I am not preaching; I am reevaluating.