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Friday, June 5, 2015

Healthy Artist, Happy Artist.

June 5, 2015- Healthy Artist, Happy Artist.

A healthy artist is a happy artist. And being healthy is not just a physical thing. It has so much to do with your mental state of mind. Keeping yourself at bay. 

A little transparency coming at you: I used to be an extremely angry person. Like down to the core, “a true firecracker, sharp tongued, always on the edge” kind of woman.  I would use my tongue and say WHATEVER I wanted when I wanted it. Of course, my bubbly personality was the perfect counter to this, as I used to call it, alter ego. But it took me mentally strengthening myself to figure out that all of that built up animosity was because... there were things that I was highly upset about within myself that I didn't have control over. I didn’t know how to deal with them or let them go: events of the past, broken hearts, lost friendships, lack of family support. The big one: people would say and talk to me ANY kind of way and I never stood up and defended myself. I didn't know how to speak up for me. I can go on and on. It even transferred over into my acting. 

I remember going to a workshop and the presenter noticed my love for my craft right away. She saw my skill set and vivaciousness, but she knew I had deep secret. Something I tried to keep underwraps but gradually was boiling up. Thinking about it, she actually hit the nail on the head when she said that this was easy for me. Being angry or high strung on emotion was a natural for me. Not spiteful or hateful, but just immensely frustrated. She could point out that in me. How? Later, she revealed that was a symptom that she used to possess as well, and earlier in her acting career she was typecasted into certain roles. I never want to get to that point. Nevertheless, I became frustrated with her. She knew I had much talent and was blind, at times, by anger. And she was right: my temper used to give me headaches and depression. Terrible anxiety attacks. Exhaustion. I lost people who were close to me because of it. To others, like directors or other actors, they thought it was brilliant! “Look at the power and performance!!” Surprisingly, I was good at mellowing out in public and at work but MAN, to the people who knew me—it was another story. 

The day Brittney decided to take control of her anger is the day my "alter ego" died. I sought out help for myself. I didn't want to be that "angry black woman" in real life. (Laughs) Seriously I only want to portray her as a “character” and then put that chick away . It's crazy how now when I get upset... I feel so out of my body. It is so foreign for me to escalate and go off the handle like that anymore. 

And now as an adult I can smile to myself. Well about a couple of things:

1) I have learned to balance myself and use my experiences and personal traits in my characters as a choice and NOT as a “go-to”

2) The unhealthy stage of rage is not a part of me anymore.

I share this to help you know and understand that you must take care of yourself. No one else will give you the care you need like you will for yourself. Keep your mind and body in shape.


Twitter: @Broadway_B

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