November 24, 2014- At Your Best.
What is your personal best? Like at what point do you say to yourself “that was the best I could do” or even say to yourself “good job”? Do you find the time to do so? Honestly, I forgotten how to compliment myself and even now when I receive a compliment, I am awaiting some sort of critique or sly comment. Why?? Frankly, because I am extremely hard on myself. Like beyond hard on myself and it is sad.
I am so hard on myself that I even have trouble accepting compliments. Either about my talent or my looks, I find myself shrinking away. I mean sure I could sit back and list the reasons "why" but I am not going to talk about how others have effected me. I am talking about with myself. Well I have to learn to stop. I was talking to my Acting Coach last week about how I feel like I am losing my “swag”. My swag: that Brittney flavor that sets me apart from the rest. It has dissipated over the course of the past few months and I am not sure why. To be honest, I noticed a shift last May in 2013. Granted this is the most at “peace of mind” I have been in YEARS but something in me is missing. And I can’t put my finger on it. I feel sorta out of touch with my body. Not feelings or emotionally, but literally my body. When I step on stage, it may look to others that I am completely in tact. Perfectly aligned and connected to my voice and body but sadly that is not the case. So where is she? Where is the Brittney that has confidence in her abilities higher than the sky can go? Where is the Brittney that takes over a room when she walks in without even speaking so much as a word? Where is she?!
And no, I don’t mean I am “lost”… but I feel like my (taking a line from Austin Powers)… my mojo is gone. The spunk, the sass. And I miss her…I miss being at my best.
Prayers going up….