September 15, 2014- Alive.
I have been living but I haven’t felt alive like this since my sophomore year of college. Last night… I was at “home”. Nothing is like being around fellow artists who put out whatever joy, talent, angst, frustration, or just plain THEMSELVES out there. I loved it! I have always claimed the stage as my home. I, for one, will never be someone who will stop learning. I don’t care if I master every technique, every style, whatever. I will never be closed off to learning.
Last night…I finally took the opportunity to attend a “workshop” that has been going on in this area for about a year or so now. Shoot, maybe even longer. Hosted by Marlon Hargrave, it is the Actor’s Open Stage. I am sure you have heard of it, if you are from the Hampton Roads region. And if not, and you are an artist that just happens to be visiting here on a Sunday evening---go the fuck to it! Literally, it will set your mind at ease. I am not going to lie. After my 4 grad school rejections, basically getting rejected by my boyfriend of 2 years BECAUSE of the rejections and my inabilities to be “normal”, and getting released from my job…I was out of it. I felt lost.
I was hung up on trying to be normal. In my mind, I was reconsidering performing…I thought I was realizing that…well maybe it is just not for me at this time. I don’t know. But nevertheless, I took a hiatus. A very personal hiatus. I excommunicated myself from social media and kept myself surrounded by grounded people. (laughs) Grounded people who didn’t have a creative bone in their bodies! I was DYING, man! Seriously, I landed a 9 to 5 job, which is not too bad, but something was missing. And to an Artist that “something” is different for everyone. I was missing my spark again, that thing that set Brittney apart from other actresses. And…I hate to admit it but I doubted myself. I lost faith in me.
And for the first time in months, I felt alive again. I have been itching to get back to the stage. Film acting has its perks, believe me! But…it is so moment-to-moment sometimes. But the stage… I was so shaky after my first piece. The adrenaline pulsing through my veins all the way out through my fingertips. The way I go about things is that I observe and listen first and then I react. And I saw that the space, in which I was in, was safe. And I performed. My piece fell out of me as easy as breathing. And then later that night---OH GOD! I got to do an organic improv. Nothing is more satisfying to me than two actors or more connecting without any further premise or set-up. Just feeding off of each other. And that right there---confirmed it. This is what the fuck I am suppose to be doing with my life! Learning! Acting! And then, by the grace of God, teaching. Because I cannot let all of my passion rest within just me.
So I thank Marlon Hargrave for creating a space right here in Hampton Roads where an Artist, who has been doing this for over 15 years, can feel free again. You are a skillful individual who is knowledgeable and confident, and knows EXACTLY what they are talking about. And anybody who wants to challenge you on that--- tell ‘em “ Take the stage…let’s see what you can do!”