September
3, 2014- Sacrificing.
Ask yourself this: How many things have you sacrificed for the sake of others? Or How many things have you sacrificed for
your past? Truly think about it.
This is a hard entry
for me to write because I am facing a demon that has been plaguing me for
years. My past. Things that I thought
was let go of and then…something triggers them back to the surface. As an
Actor, some may argue that it is not a healthy approach to performing when one
substitutes their own life experiences for character development. I am on the
fence about that approach. Personally, I have used the technique introduced by
Ivana Chubbuck of ‘substitution’. Substitution
is endowing the other actor in the
scene with
a person from your real life. Hmmm….not too
safe if you are playing a victim of sexual or domestic abuse right? Or someone
faced with the bouts of parental abandonment and extreme heartache? Hmm?
So nevertheless, this goes
to the point of this entry about taking care of yourself. To others, they may
not understand why you made the choices that you did or the sacrifices you made
but as long as YOU know…that is what matters. I always say that you can’t help someone who
doesn’t want to be helped. But sometimes they don’t know how to let people help
them. Funny, for me to be such an outgoing, high-spirited individual, I am actually
very private. I keep my friends and my family very close to me and I have a
very small circle of people that I trust.
When I am dealing with
my past, I mean things that I see haunting my adult life I try my best to
eradicate any and everything dealing with it from my life. Why? Because it is
easier to handle. But with that comes a sacrifice.
A sacrifice from peace and love…because I have allowed myself to be so consumed
with the pain that…the good can’t get in. And sure I am a helluva an actor so I
can mask it all day but the truth remains…I take it on alone.
For those who live that
way… we have to stop. I am able to hide and submerge myself within my craft but
for those who corrode away because they choose to self-implode…stop sacrificing
the good because you are use to the bad. Either way is not good I know and I
am learning to “let it go”. It is in the past…because you have endured, took it
on straight on, you are a SURVIVOR.
I AM A SURVIVOR.
Phew…this was some shit
off my back! (smiles) Sorry for the
language but that is the truth. My craft and my heart have led me to be harder
on myself than anyone I ever crossed paths with. But I am tired of sacrificing
my happiest for things I can’t control from the past. Fuck not getting into
grad schools on the first try, screw not landing 1, 2, or 20 auditions in a row, forget not “choosing
a traditional career path” Fuck it! Screw it! Because when you know you have
the ability and the passion inside THERE IS NOTHING that can stop you. Nothing
in this universe or beyond can place a stop to what is aligned in your future
and destiny. You have a hand in everything. And I am learning to get mine back.
Brittney
Website: http://main.brittney-s-harris.com
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